my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
