Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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