Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
