I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
