if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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