You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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