I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
