everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
