Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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