I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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