We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
