I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
