Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
