help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
