I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
