Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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