i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
