you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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