Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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