I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
