I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just high enough for therapy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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