New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
