I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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