Define "chronic" masturbator.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ttyl tear gas
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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