A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
