I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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