remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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