I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
