Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
