I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
