I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
