so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
