youre lurking in front of me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize