dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
