dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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