We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
