i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize