i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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