is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
