Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
