How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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