Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
