We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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