I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
