so that wasnt chicken after all
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
