And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
