You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
