I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
