Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
