I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize