i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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