My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
