Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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