Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize