I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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