I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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