I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
