Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
