dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
