somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
