I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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