Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
