I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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