So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
