I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
