May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
