All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
