Is it because I queefed?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize