she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
