I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
