The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
