he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
