why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
