Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
