I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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