i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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