Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
