It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
