I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
