She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
