We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
