I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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